Why Do I Want to Get Married?

By Hannah Wang

After a hard conversation with my mom one weekend, I left with a few things standing out in my mind. One of those was this question, and the fact that I didn’t actually have a good answer for it. I’ve always said I’ve wanted to get married - that’s never been a question to me, but why? And furthermore, if I have reasons for desiring marriage, are they good ones? Meaning are they shallow and simply coming from my flesh, or are they God-given reasons? All of this made me realize I had never taken the time to think about and understand marriage from the perspective of God’s holy design, to know why He says I should want to be married. I decided to start a focused study with the Lord to figure out not only my answer, but a good answer – one based on what the scriptures say about marriage. My first journal entry on June 8th read:

“So far it’s been mostly fleshly and selfish motivation; for the pleasure of falling and being in love, and the joys of having a companion and friend that close. But it must be deeper, it has to be deeper than that. Why should I want to be married, both in my unique desires and in Your holy purposes? What do I crave? What have You designed for me to crave?”

With some fresh faith, the Holy Spirit, and Google, I dove into the scriptures, wanting to see what the Bible said about marriage and asking God to show me why I should desire marriage based on those truths. In no particular but mostly chronological order, here are the things I learned, and from them, my new answers to the question.

1. Marriage reflects the fullness of God’s image. 

Starting from the very beginning, in Genesis 1, we see that:

“in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

“Male and female” reflects the image of God, the full image. Male alone is incomplete, and in fact, the only thing created that was “not good”, according to Genesis 2:18. These scriptures, which I had read dozens of times, suddenly made it so clear and simple: I want to be married to experience more of the fullness of God’s image that I was created in. 

2. Marriage reveals the power of God’s covenant. 

In Matthew 19, the Pharisees ask Jesus if it is lawful to divorce. Jesus responds by going back to this original design of God, saying:

“Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

When they then ask for an explanation on why Moses allowed divorce, Jesus reiterates and stands firm on the intention of God’s original design, which is not discounted by the human invention of divorce:

“Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

This story reveals the world’s inability to uphold the covenant of marriage, and therefore proves that the ability to uphold comes from a power in the design of God; power which creates an unbroken covenant that the world cannot replicate. This immediately drew me in: I want to be married to experience the power of a covenant designed by God, which can overcome/outlast sin and circumstances, as only one designed by God can.

3. Living for someone else is better than living for myself. 

Why? Because of the way God designed us, revealed by truths and examples throughout scriptures. 

Jesus, quoted by Paul in Acts 20:35, said “it is more blessed to give than receive”, and in Matthew 16:25 and John 12:25 that trying to save or love my own life = losing it, but losing it for Christ = finding it! 

Jesus knew that self-centered ambition and lifestyle only led to unfulfillment and loss of life, whereas counting our own as a loss for the sake of Him and others = gaining life, because of the way God designed us in His image. 

Even the very nature of God—three in one—is a relationship of love, not self-centeredness. And Jesus lived this to the fullest extent through the sacrifice of Himself. Philippians 2:3-7 says: 

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”

This very passage teaches us to regard others as more important than ourselves, following the example set by Jesus. 

Even in my everyday life I’ve been met with the reality of this truth. I remember after graduating college, starting a full-time job, and settling into my routine as a single young adult, it hit me how much I could do… whatever I wanted. Friday night was a prime picture of this freedom: after work, I could go on a long, slow run, then come home and make a nice dinner purely based on exactly what I felt like eating. No parents, no family, no one’s preferences to have to consider except for my own. But after a while, this “freedom” got old, felt empty. I realized that I wanted to have to consider someone besides myself. To come home on Friday night and cook a nice dinner based on what someone I loved wanted, not me. 

It’s interesting how even when we aren’t reading them directly off the page, God’s truths are evident. Single young adult Friday nights just pointed to what His words and the truth already demonstrated: I want to be married for the greater joy of living for someone else over living for myself.

4. Marriage exemplifies the beautiful relationship of Christ and the Church. 

Ephesians 5:22-33 is a powerful passage that describes how marriage is modeled after Christ and the Church. There is a lot of meat to it, so I’ll break it up into the three parts as I feel like the Holy Spirit revealed to me.

i. Husbands loving and leading their wives the way that Christ leads the Church

All throughout this passage is the clear intent for what husbandly love should be like: just like Christ’s love for the church.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies…”

If this is what it’s meant to embody, then I want to be loved by a man in the way Christ exemplifies love – a deeper experience of what it means to be loved. A dimension I wouldn’t get to understand or experience outside of marriage.

ii. Wives submitting to this love and leadership

Submission in marriage is a touchy subject for a lot of people, but when understood in the context of the Church’s submission to Christ, it becomes clear that it is a beautiful thing: being sanctified and cleansed, nourished and cherished… as we submit to and receive Christ’s love and leadership. 

If submission in marriage is like submission of the church to Christ, then I want to be led by a husband the way that the Church is led by Christ and submit to that leadership in everything. I want to submit to a man in a way that loves and supports him and pushes him to be the leader I’m proud of, admire, and want to follow – the one God designed him to be. To experience the sanctification of the model of Christ & the Church in the most intimate, real way.

iii. The mystery of how this sacrificial model works.          

And finally, the fascinating power of how this model works. No human could have designed such a “mystery,” the best way we humans can describe it in verse 32. Or maybe an enigma, or a paradox. 

Complete sacrifice of life (Jesus for the church), which returns a fullness and eternity of life not possible otherwise? 

And complete submission (the church to Jesus) which returns a sanctification and presentation as holy and blameless? 

Completion found in laying aside self? 

This mystery encompasses a kind of divine love not reachable by the reasoning or principles of this world. If marriage provides a unique glimpse into this mystery unlike anything else can provide, I immediately knew: I want a deeper taste of this divine love; I want to access and experience more of the mysteriously wonderful love of God in His meaning of marriage.

I came with a simple question, but in typical God fashion, He gave me much more than a simple answer; He opened my eyes to a rich depth of truths I had never seen before. Beyond finding justification for the desire I already had, I’ve now been filled with a greater desire and hope for marriage, one that’s fueled by the excitement of how good He is – better than anything I could get from the world and its ideas. With these new deposits in my heart, I pray that He keeps leading me deeper, preparing me for marriage, and of course, that He brings my husband!

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you see God’s goodness and encounter His love the way I have throughout mine, because it’s all about His love. His love is evident everywhere and is the DNA of everything He designed, like marriage. It’s just His nature. 

Praise God for His steadfast love!